I took a bath tonight. That in and of itself isn’t very noteworthy, but what struck me while I was in the bath is: this is the last bath I’ll take in my house. The packers come on Friday and the movers come Monday and we leave for Austin early Tuesday morning. More than this being the last bath I will take in my house, this will be the last night I spend alone in it.
I lay there soaking in the tub, letting this realization sink in and tried to honestly assess how it made me feel. The more I thought about it the more surprised that I wasn’t feeling sad or even overly sentimental. Then I realized that it’s because I’m finally getting what I’ve spent so many hours of my time in this house looking and asking for: a home. Don’t get me wrong, this has very much been a home to me, but what I’ve wanted is a home for my family and that’s what I feel I’m moving on to and how can I be sad about that?
I also feel so grateful to be leaving this house on such a high note. I feel like I’m leaving behind some really positive vibes and that makes me happy because it deserves that. My time in Denver has not been without its challenges, as you all well know, but it has been far outnumbered by the victories, however hard they may have been for me to identify in the moment. I have had my heart broken here, but I have also had it resurrected and loved beyond measure. I left some friends behind when I moved here, but the ones I have gained have enriched my life in so many ways that I would not be the same person without them. I have shed many tears in this house, but they have been far outnumbered by the amount of laughter and joy that I have experienced here and that is what I leave behind.
As I write this I’m starting to experience some of that sentimentality I was missing earlier, but that is to be expected, I suppose. I feel, in so many ways, that I have grown up here. Or, at the very least, I have learned how to become a grown up here. In this city, in this house. And that makes me think about what the next city and house hold for me. As I daydream about it I’m filled with so many emotions: excitement, nervousness, anticipation, but mostly hopefulness. I know that no matter what, my time here has prepared me for something truly wonderful in my next place.
The wind is blowing pretty hard tonight, rattling the old windows in my house and I won’t do what I’ve done in the past and plug the gaps so that they stop making their noise. This wind feels like it’s for me, pushing me on, ushering me out and on to the next time and place and so I’m going to let them rattle and bang as it might be the last time I hear that sound. And I will enjoy every last moment of it.